Jim Carrey and the beautiful woman

Jim Carrey approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, -
“You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?”
“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”

Rihanna wins the lottery

Once Rihanna came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. 

She slammed the door and shouted excitedly, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" 

Chris Brown - "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" 

"Doesn't matter," she said, "Just get out."

Excellent Trade

Last Sunday, as President Obama got off the Helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes, and says -
"Nice pigs, Sir."

The President replies - "These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."

The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, Salutes, and says - "Excellent Trade, sir!"

Justin Bieber and the Hair Cut

Justin Bieber comes home and says "Dad, just got my driver's license and would like to use the family car."
Father replies - "O.K. son. But, first you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard neat and cut your hairs. Come back in a few months and then we'll see."

Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. "Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I've been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?"

Father replies, "That's all true, but son you didn't cut your hair."
Justin says, "But, dad, Jesus had long hair."

Father replies, "Yes, son, you're perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went."