Jim Carrey and the beautiful woman

Jim Carrey approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, -
“You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?”
“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”

Rihanna wins the lottery

Once Rihanna came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. 

She slammed the door and shouted excitedly, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" 

Chris Brown - "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" 

"Doesn't matter," she said, "Just get out."

Excellent Trade

Last Sunday, as President Obama got off the Helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes, and says -
"Nice pigs, Sir."

The President replies - "These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."

The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, Salutes, and says - "Excellent Trade, sir!"